Yesssss, I'm finally kicking into gear and actually reading and reviewing books again (Woo)
After my love affair for 6 months with the Harry Potter series, I felt like I needed to go back to the stand-alone novel, because not only was Harry Potter spiggin' long and I'll have to somehow review 7 books into one review because it's more than a trilogy, but I really find that reviewing stand-alone novels are so much easier and quicker to do...so that's my plan for a little bit.
Here's the totally artistic and soul-touching bluurby-blurb
"Annie loves Duncan — or thinks she does. Duncan loves Annie, but then, all of a sudden, he doesn't. Duncan really loves Tucker Crowe, a reclusive Dylanish singer-songwriter who stopped making music ten years ago. Annie stops loving Duncan, and starts getting her own life.
In doing so, she initiates an e-mail correspondence with Tucker, and a connection is forged between two lonely people who are looking for more out of what they've got. Tucker's been languishing (and he's unnervingly aware of it), living in rural Pennsylvania with what he sees as his one hope for redemption amid a life of emotional and artistic ruin -- his young son, Jackson. But then there's also the new material he's about to release to the world: an acoustic, stripped-down version of his greatest album, Juliet — entitled, Juliet, Naked.
What happens when a washed-up musician looks for another chance? And miles away, a restless, childless woman looks for a change? Juliet, Naked is a powerfully engrossing, humblingly humorous novel about music, love, loneliness, and the struggle to live up to one's promise."
Yeeeah...It's pretty darn long. But luckily the novel wasn't, because I was pretty certain I was going to fling the book across the room straight into the donation bag I have always lying around.
But that's how it goes. Sometimes you get fantastic books like Harry Potter, and then you get horrendous ones like Juliet, Naked.
But alas! We must review it! So here we go :)
-Like...there's totally a whole bunch of really indie and artistic spoilers in this review that you should totally NOT check out 'cos they are totally not mainstream like everything else these days *Sips my unknown starbucks drink* So if you're totally mainstream then you shouldn't probably check out these spoiiiilers...
The blurb leaves nothing to be desired. It practically contains the entire book WITHIN the large amount of Blurb there is. It's not around to play around, it's here to basically tell you what you're going to expect; Boring, no climax, and plain.
The Cover is what actually draw me to the book at all. It's really cute and artsy, and give you the impression that it's going to be a cute romance novel!
It's barely that.
Cover: 7 out of 10
Blurb: 3 out of 10
Annie is dating a guy named Duncan, who is a 'Croweologist' and obsessively fanboying about a phased out singer named, 'Tucker Crowe'.
When Duncan receives a new CD by Tucker Crowe titled, 'Juliet, Naked' after being out of the music business for years. Annie, having relationship problems with Duncan, decides to listen to the CD first without Duncan. When she reveals to Duncan the cd, but also her dislike for it, Duncan begins to question their relationship and feels betrayed by her. He then writes an enthusiastic review for it on his fan website. After reading his review, Annie decides to write her own review passionately criticising it, which leads to an email response by Tucker Crowe.
Tucker Crowe is revealed to be a washed up father of five children from four different relationships. He lives with his youngest, named Jackson, and Jackson's mother named Cat.
Duncan meets a new colleague named Gina, who he decides to sleep with. He tells Annie of the affair, and she decides she has had enough of him and their relationship, and kicks him out of their house. While Annie talks to her therapist and deals with her emails from Tucker, Duncan regrets sleeping with Gina (And forming a crazy relationship with her) and leaving Annie, but she refuses to take him back.
Annie and Tucker decide to meet up, but on his flight over with Jackson, he suffers from a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. They meet, and kindle a sweet friendship in the time that Tucker is at the hospital.
Annie and Tucker runs into Duncan, who does not believe it is his idol, but believes that Annie is making fun of him. Annie gets over her spitefulness, and invites Duncan over to meet the real Tucker Crowe who he has idolised for years.
An exhibition Annie has been organising at the Gooleness Museum, where she works as a curator. She confesses to Tucker at the party that she has a crush on him, and they proceed to leave the party and have sex.
Tucker and Jackson must move back to America, but Annie tells Malcolm (Her counsellor) that she is ready to sell her house and move to America to join Tucker and Jackson.
Ugggggggh....*Rubs temples and rolls eyes* I just. I don't...UUGGGGGH.
Why do you do these things to me, books? Why do you make yourself look so good, so exciting, and something I'll absolutely fall in love with, then do this weird 180 on me and become this total bunch of crap?
I couldn't stand this book. It was something that was so boring and just kept going on at this glacial pace that had no real ending, or climax, or anything close to that. There were so many points where I would distract myself with my phone, or with the piano game I have on my Ipad Mini because it was more interesting than Juliet, Naked. It was absolutely disappointing, and I only finished it because I was halfway through by the time I hit the, 'I don't find this interesting anymore. I don't want to read it....Should I stop?'
There was just so much that I was rolling my eyes at and yawning because of, it was a novel that didn't do anything for me. I couldn't picture the characters, I actually didn't give a care about any of them, the story's plot didn't go anywhere really but felt more like an, 'Eh...I guess we could do that.'
If this book was a person, I'd be sass eyeing it up and down and asking them to question their life choices because they're super basic and remind me of the flavour Vanilla because it's boring and tacky and I hate it.
Annie - She is just...so...indecisive. She doesn't even do much in the book beside break up with Duncan (Wise choice) and then falls in love with Tucker. The only she has got going for her is the fact that she works for the Museum and sees a counsellor that she doesn't even like. She doesn't do anything! She's such a bore, and when she does do something it's to complain about a guy.
Duncan - What. A. Loser. That's all I can say, honestly. I despise his character and thought he was a snivelling rat.
Tucker Rowe - I don't know how to feel about him. He is that character that is such a hot mess, everyone knows he is a hot mess, and even he knows he is a hot mess and admits it but somehow you still kind of appreciate him for all his hot messiness. He is still such a fool though, and I still didn't like him, but I hated him less than I did with Duncan and Annie.
Jackson - HE IS THE ONLY GOOD THING IN THIS ENTIRE THING. HE IS A FLUFFY LITTLE CLOUD IN A SKY FULL OF TERRIBLE AND OBNOXIOUS BLACKENED CLOUDS WHO FEEL IT'S OKAY TO RAIN ON EVERYONE ELSE'S PARADE. YOU GO, JACKSON. YOU LITTLE FLUFFY CLOUD, YOU!
Everyone Else - No one cares. You're all one-dimensional characters that no one cares for. No one.
- Jackson. He was such a little beautiful thing in this whole crappy story. I'm a big sucker for the children in novels. He is just so cute and squishy and itty bitty cuteness!
- The Cover is super amazing and really artistic. I like it for what it's worth.
- The Characters. They're all so useless and vapid. I can't stand it. They were such a bore to read about.
- The Blurb. What a load of rubbish. I should have just read the blurb and accepted that that was it.
- The stupid 'Indie, Hipster' type of writing. Damn, dirty, hipsters.
- The fact that the plot barely went anywhere. It didn't travel, it didn't end in a beautiful disaster or happy ending. It just was.
It's a 1.5 out of 10 for me. So boring and plain that I'm not sure how I even finished it.
[I find this quote from the book ironic because this book is boring in its end product]
“The artistic temperament is particularly unhelpful if it is just that, with no end product.”
― Nick Hornby, Juliet, Naked